Walk through life with a Jimmy Choo

Debating between a pair of shoes that you love is always hard, especially when you have a choice between a really hot, amazing, one of a kind pair of Jimmy Choo’s or a brand-less cute shoe that looks alright but comes for a lot cheaper of a price than a Jimmy Choo.

So what to do? For the one that’s affordable, easy, and nice or the one that is the best, amazing, and hot, but yet so much more difficult to obtain and more expensive?

It depends on what you’re looking for actually and whether you feel the challenge is worth the price. Selecting a brand-less shoe vs. a Jimmy Choo is much like choosing a partner for a relationship. You have the option of deciding whether to be with someone just because it’s easy to be with them and it’s easy to just fall into a pattern but maybe is not worth your time and energy. Maybe you aren’t as invested and only with them because it’s easy. Or you have the option of choosing someone that is a rare find, and requires work to afford, but when you’re with them you know this is it, you know its worth every price you’ve ever paid.

You are special. You are someone worthy of being with someone that is a Jimmy Choo. You are someone whose time, energy, and life are precious. Who you spend your time on, and whom you spend your time with should always be with people you never feel it wasted on. Therefore, the Jimmy Choo will always be difficult to find, difficult to obtain, and may require you to work to make a long lasting, happy relationship. But in the end is worth every penny of the price listed. Because really in the end, you want to walk through your life wearing the Jimmy Choo’s not the brand-less shoe that may or may not last you in the long run.

Every Shoe Has a Charm of its own...

Every Shoe has a charm of its own…

Too tall, too short, too pointed, too rounded, too many laces, no laces, pretty color, ugly color, etc etc etc….

How many times do we find ourselves criticizing the people we meet in life based on what we see? Too many times and too often we pass up some great people because we have decided we don’t like what we see at first.

Every person, and every shoe has a charm of its own. Like an Ugg boot. They are quite possibly the ugliest shoes anyone has ever come across, they are mainly brown, plain, and make your feet look really big. But you get a little closer, and try one on, and instantly you fall in love. You’ve never felt anything softer, or more comfortable than an Ugg boot.

Which is why, we must be individuals that take the time to discover the charm in others. Discover why each person may be special; to understand that if the surface doesn’t appeal at first, it doesn’t mean the inside will look even worse. In fact, you never know who you could discover by giving that person a chance. Maybe you might find something you’ve been searching for all your life.  :)

“Finally letting go of that old beat up shoe...”

You know the favorite shoe of yours, that you’ve outgrown, worn out, and have been ready to throw out for the longest time, but just can’t seem to let go of?  Well it’s kind of like the relationship you’re still holding onto. It’s gone sour, there is no sole-life left in it, but you still find yourself hanging onto the hope that someday, somehow, your ex will magically wake up the next morning and change. They will do everything right, and it will all go back to the beautiful days of your relationships. Like an old shoe, your relationship has travelled quite a rocky journey that has caused it to become old, beaten up, and damaged beyond repair. So what to do to finally help you let go of the past?

First and Foremost moving on is not forgetting. Trying to move on does not mean you need to forget the good times you had or that you need to erase those from your memories. It is after just not possible to do that. You had great times with this person, acknowledge that, and respect that. But just because you had some great times in the past, does not mean you need to keep holding onto a relationship or a past that is no longer here. These memories do have a place in your life, that place is in the past. There is no need to ruin your present and future by letting your memories come into your present and future. Use those memories as a guide, as a standard, as a way to draw a line of good times, and live above that line of standard. Use those memories of good times to learn, to grow, to better understand what you need and want in a relationship. Just like your old shoe, its taken you to some great places, helped you walk through some tough times, but frankly speaking it does not change the fact that shoe shelf life is over.

“Out of sight, out of mind.”- Cold phrase, but holds so much weight. I am not saying that you cannot be friends with your ex. Everyone works differently. And some of you may even be able to be friends with your ex at some point in the future. But right now? You need space. You need to grow and heal without your ex. That really means no phone calls, text messages, instant messages, emails, etc etc. This is probably the hardest part about letting go. Especially when you come across things that routinely remind you of that person. You want to email them an article you read, or text a funny joke, or just some company when you are bored. Unfortunately, this has to stop. How will you discover who you are, and what you need, if you are still thinking of the person that you shared your life with? The only way to truly heal is to give yourself some time and some space to discover new things, to develop a new routine, and to find joy in your life again. You know you are ready to be friends with an ex again, when it stops hurting, when you can talk to them or run into them without feeling like salt is rubbing the wounds in your heart. Without feeling like you are being stomped on again and again. Listen to your heart here, it will tell you quite a bit when its ready to look at the possibility of being friends again.

Reconnect with old friends, new friends, relatives, and basically anyone (except your ex) that makes you smile, makes you laugh, and makes you feel supported. Time to bring on your entourage and go shopping for new shoes. Window shop, shop, but basically, go out and have fun. Enjoy the life you are given, and be with the people that can support you as you try to move forward with your life and relationships. The more you surround yourself with laughter, the easier it will be for you to get through each day.

Spend time with yourself. Get to know you. Life is going to be lonely if you can’t enjoy your own company. This may be the time to do the things you’ve always wanted to do but never had the time to do. Take up a hobby of your interest, learn to enjoy your own company. Believe me, this is something that holds great value not just out of a relationship, but also in a relationship.

Only time will determine when and how you’re going to move on. Sure, it might not be right away like you want it to be, but eventually one day you’ll wake up and realize that somewhere along the way, that piercing feeling you’ve been feeling inside your chest faded and went away while you were too busy living life to notice.

Besides… letting go of an old shoe makes room for a new and improved shoe :)

When you move, you take your old shoes with you...

We've all reached a point in our lives where its time to move on, and it's that time to get into a new relationship or start dating again. When you move though, you carry your old shoes with you. Like they are skeletons in a closet.


Unfortunately all of us have been in that relationship or dating experience that has left scars on our hearts, and have consistently gotten in our paths to new found love and better relationships. So what do we do with the scars of our past, how do we move on and make room for the old shoes and the new shoe(s) to co-exist together?


First and foremost, address and understand your "old shoes". Know what your scars are, why they are there, and what you need to do to avoid making the same mistakes. Learn from your past, and take the lessons you have learned and apply them to your life right now. Why go through all that pain and heartache if the hard-learned lessons cannot be applied right away? Spend some time with you, and understand who you are as a person in and out of a relationship.


When getting into a new relationship, how honest should you be? Well your previous relationships and dating days have changed you. Those experiences have impacted you and have changed the way you interact with your new partners. Interestingly enough you use the lessons you've learned to change how you interact now, when in retrospect you're changing yourself based on how you think you should have interacted in the past. Your old shoes are already influencing how much and often you interact with your new shoes. Your new shoes haven't even gotten a chance to really get comfortable with you because your old shoes are projecting so much!


So be honest. Be clear. Be open. Your current partner or significant other doesn't need to know every last detail of your past. You don't need to share with them how often you had sex, or even your inside jokes. But you do need to be honest. Be honest about what is holding you back, be honest about where it hurts. Help your partner understand who you are and how you got there. Your past is a big part of how you became who you are today. If your partner doesn't know why you are nerve-wrecked to take your relationship to the next level, how will they be able to accommodate you? Be smart enough to acknowledge your own mistakes in your previous relationships, because this tells your current partner that you have put in a lot of time and thought into your previous relationships and can acknowledge that mistakes are a two way street. It also tells your partner that you are willing to acknowledge your own faults and are working towards becoming a better person. They will love you because of this and not inspite of this.


Being honest also makes your current relationship better. It gives your partner an insight into who you are and how you became who you are. They learn to appreciate you better for it, and respect you for it. And a good partner, will work harder to make sure they don't make the same mistakes as your partners from the past. They will understand what your deal breakers are and won't be surprised if those issues come forward in your current relationships.


In a closet full of new and old, there is always room for your old shoes and new shoes to co-exist together. It definitely takes some readjustments, and some space rearrangements, but nothing that a good honest to do space evaluation and shelf space cannot fix. :)

A New Pair of Shoes is like a New Relationship...

So you've shopped around, tried on many different pairs of shoes, and finally, just finally come across the SHOES. The Cinderella Glass Slippers of your life. They look amazing, and you feel absolutely amazing in them. Except, they are new and well we all know a new pair of shoes need to be broken into before they can be comfortable enough to wear all the time.


Much like a relationship, you've dated around, you've tried on many different pairs, some great, some not so great, and some down right ugly. Then comes along the "one" that you want to try a relationship with. It's great in the beginning, all beauty and excitement. You have a lot of hope at this point, and will do anything to "break into" the relationship so that you guys can be a comfortable fit for each other. Much like our Cinderella shoes. :)


With a new pair of shoes, you can always bandaid your feet, and you can always find heel protectors and slips to help support your feet. What to do in a relationship?


It's about learning to support each other. Learning where your partner requires your support and encouragement. Do not underestimate the power of an encouraging word and even silent support. Deep friendship is the key to making any relationship sustainable and long-lasting. Understand your partner, be their best friend. One of the textbooks I read over the course of my program, 7 Principles for Making a Marriage Work by John Gottman, found that relationships that survived no matter how horrible the fights, survived because of each partners deep friendship with each other. While most of us may not be thinking so far ahead as marriage, the book brings up a key point.


Love is a beautiful thing, and we've all heard the saying, "Love conquers all..." or something quirky as "love is all there is" and blah blah. While I agree, that love is important and necessary to the mix, it is not the only thing. Unfortunately, we live in a world today where the phrase "love dies" is also a reality. However, we all know love and relationships don't die a natural death. They die because they are malnourished. These are thoughts to keep in mind as you start a new relationship. The patterns and ideas that you begin your relationship with can become tainted if you don't make the conscious effort to maintain your relationship. It's a relationship that you cannot slack from. Love needs constant maintenance.


So if deep friendship is the key to relationship success...how do you go about building that?


Get to know each other, spend time with each other routinely, listen and talk to each other without judging. Be honest, be open, be clear. Be you. Don't try to hide who you are because your partner needs to be friends with you, the real you, not the you that you are hiding behind. Support each other, take interest in each others interest. Do things as a couple. Fight. These may all sound like the usual things you hear, but take these things, and put in the effort to put your partner first. Learn who your partner is, learn who you are supporting, learn who you are in a relationship with. Take the time to do things in your relationship that fulfills you and your partner. Make each other comfortable. Establish who you are and don't expect anyone to change for you. You aren't going to change, why expect your partner to change? And keep this general rule... if you won't treat your friends a certain way, don't treat your partner that way either.


Breaking into a new pair of shoes is like breaking into a new relationship. You need to have the support each other and be with each other enough so you can break into it and wear it comfortably.


and really... if all else fails, get yourself a hot pair of shoes! :)

Why Just Shoes?

Well, first and foremost, welcome to my blog!


To introduce you to my world and to "Just Shoes", let me start by telling you this is not a blog about shoes! In fact this blog is really about relationships and love and how when all else fails in life, shoes are the cures to all you got :)


Love and relationships have continuously inspired me all my life, to the point that I decided to make a career out of it. :)


About the blog... This blog is to offer my viewpoint, my advice based on my knowledge of relationships through my education and experiences, and to offer more information on relationships and love, and to provide insight on subjects related to relationships and love.


From being single, to taken, to being in love, to falling out of love, to meeting parents for the first time, to breaking up, I want to be able to offer advice and insight on it all. These are of course my opinions, so in no way shape or form am I trying to offend anyone or represent someone. If you have suggestions for topics you would like to see, please message me!


Remember, when all else fails in life.... shoes cure all! :)