You know the favorite shoe of yours, that you’ve outgrown, worn out, and have been ready to throw out for the longest time, but just can’t seem to let go of? Well it’s kind of like the relationship you’re still holding onto. It’s gone sour, there is no sole-life left in it, but you still find yourself hanging onto the hope that someday, somehow, your ex will magically wake up the next morning and change. They will do everything right, and it will all go back to the beautiful days of your relationships. Like an old shoe, your relationship has travelled quite a rocky journey that has caused it to become old, beaten up, and damaged beyond repair. So what to do to finally help you let go of the past?
First and Foremost moving on is not forgetting. Trying to move on does not mean you need to forget the good times you had or that you need to erase those from your memories. It is after just not possible to do that. You had great times with this person, acknowledge that, and respect that. But just because you had some great times in the past, does not mean you need to keep holding onto a relationship or a past that is no longer here. These memories do have a place in your life, that place is in the past. There is no need to ruin your present and future by letting your memories come into your present and future. Use those memories as a guide, as a standard, as a way to draw a line of good times, and live above that line of standard. Use those memories of good times to learn, to grow, to better understand what you need and want in a relationship. Just like your old shoe, its taken you to some great places, helped you walk through some tough times, but frankly speaking it does not change the fact that shoe shelf life is over.
“Out of sight, out of mind.”- Cold phrase, but holds so much weight. I am not saying that you cannot be friends with your ex. Everyone works differently. And some of you may even be able to be friends with your ex at some point in the future. But right now? You need space. You need to grow and heal without your ex. That really means no phone calls, text messages, instant messages, emails, etc etc. This is probably the hardest part about letting go. Especially when you come across things that routinely remind you of that person. You want to email them an article you read, or text a funny joke, or just some company when you are bored. Unfortunately, this has to stop. How will you discover who you are, and what you need, if you are still thinking of the person that you shared your life with? The only way to truly heal is to give yourself some time and some space to discover new things, to develop a new routine, and to find joy in your life again. You know you are ready to be friends with an ex again, when it stops hurting, when you can talk to them or run into them without feeling like salt is rubbing the wounds in your heart. Without feeling like you are being stomped on again and again. Listen to your heart here, it will tell you quite a bit when its ready to look at the possibility of being friends again.
Reconnect with old friends, new friends, relatives, and basically anyone (except your ex) that makes you smile, makes you laugh, and makes you feel supported. Time to bring on your entourage and go shopping for new shoes. Window shop, shop, but basically, go out and have fun. Enjoy the life you are given, and be with the people that can support you as you try to move forward with your life and relationships. The more you surround yourself with laughter, the easier it will be for you to get through each day.
Spend time with yourself. Get to know you. Life is going to be lonely if you can’t enjoy your own company. This may be the time to do the things you’ve always wanted to do but never had the time to do. Take up a hobby of your interest, learn to enjoy your own company. Believe me, this is something that holds great value not just out of a relationship, but also in a relationship.
Only time will determine when and how you’re going to move on. Sure, it might not be right away like you want it to be, but eventually one day you’ll wake up and realize that somewhere along the way, that piercing feeling you’ve been feeling inside your chest faded and went away while you were too busy living life to notice.
Besides… letting go of an old shoe makes room for a new and improved shoe :)
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