We've all reached a point in our lives where its time to move on, and it's that time to get into a new relationship or start dating again. When you move though, you carry your old shoes with you. Like they are skeletons in a closet.
Unfortunately all of us have been in that relationship or dating experience that has left scars on our hearts, and have consistently gotten in our paths to new found love and better relationships. So what do we do with the scars of our past, how do we move on and make room for the old shoes and the new shoe(s) to co-exist together?
First and foremost, address and understand your "old shoes". Know what your scars are, why they are there, and what you need to do to avoid making the same mistakes. Learn from your past, and take the lessons you have learned and apply them to your life right now. Why go through all that pain and heartache if the hard-learned lessons cannot be applied right away? Spend some time with you, and understand who you are as a person in and out of a relationship.
When getting into a new relationship, how honest should you be? Well your previous relationships and dating days have changed you. Those experiences have impacted you and have changed the way you interact with your new partners. Interestingly enough you use the lessons you've learned to change how you interact now, when in retrospect you're changing yourself based on how you think you should have interacted in the past. Your old shoes are already influencing how much and often you interact with your new shoes. Your new shoes haven't even gotten a chance to really get comfortable with you because your old shoes are projecting so much!
So be honest. Be clear. Be open. Your current partner or significant other doesn't need to know every last detail of your past. You don't need to share with them how often you had sex, or even your inside jokes. But you do need to be honest. Be honest about what is holding you back, be honest about where it hurts. Help your partner understand who you are and how you got there. Your past is a big part of how you became who you are today. If your partner doesn't know why you are nerve-wrecked to take your relationship to the next level, how will they be able to accommodate you? Be smart enough to acknowledge your own mistakes in your previous relationships, because this tells your current partner that you have put in a lot of time and thought into your previous relationships and can acknowledge that mistakes are a two way street. It also tells your partner that you are willing to acknowledge your own faults and are working towards becoming a better person. They will love you because of this and not inspite of this.
Being honest also makes your current relationship better. It gives your partner an insight into who you are and how you became who you are. They learn to appreciate you better for it, and respect you for it. And a good partner, will work harder to make sure they don't make the same mistakes as your partners from the past. They will understand what your deal breakers are and won't be surprised if those issues come forward in your current relationships.
In a closet full of new and old, there is always room for your old shoes and new shoes to co-exist together. It definitely takes some readjustments, and some space rearrangements, but nothing that a good honest to do space evaluation and shelf space cannot fix. :)
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