So you've shopped around, tried on many different pairs of shoes, and finally, just finally come across the SHOES. The Cinderella Glass Slippers of your life. They look amazing, and you feel absolutely amazing in them. Except, they are new and well we all know a new pair of shoes need to be broken into before they can be comfortable enough to wear all the time.
Much like a relationship, you've dated around, you've tried on many different pairs, some great, some not so great, and some down right ugly. Then comes along the "one" that you want to try a relationship with. It's great in the beginning, all beauty and excitement. You have a lot of hope at this point, and will do anything to "break into" the relationship so that you guys can be a comfortable fit for each other. Much like our Cinderella shoes. :)
With a new pair of shoes, you can always bandaid your feet, and you can always find heel protectors and slips to help support your feet. What to do in a relationship?
It's about learning to support each other. Learning where your partner requires your support and encouragement. Do not underestimate the power of an encouraging word and even silent support. Deep friendship is the key to making any relationship sustainable and long-lasting. Understand your partner, be their best friend. One of the textbooks I read over the course of my program, 7 Principles for Making a Marriage Work by John Gottman, found that relationships that survived no matter how horrible the fights, survived because of each partners deep friendship with each other. While most of us may not be thinking so far ahead as marriage, the book brings up a key point.
Love is a beautiful thing, and we've all heard the saying, "Love conquers all..." or something quirky as "love is all there is" and blah blah. While I agree, that love is important and necessary to the mix, it is not the only thing. Unfortunately, we live in a world today where the phrase "love dies" is also a reality. However, we all know love and relationships don't die a natural death. They die because they are malnourished. These are thoughts to keep in mind as you start a new relationship. The patterns and ideas that you begin your relationship with can become tainted if you don't make the conscious effort to maintain your relationship. It's a relationship that you cannot slack from. Love needs constant maintenance.
So if deep friendship is the key to relationship success...how do you go about building that?
Get to know each other, spend time with each other routinely, listen and talk to each other without judging. Be honest, be open, be clear. Be you. Don't try to hide who you are because your partner needs to be friends with you, the real you, not the you that you are hiding behind. Support each other, take interest in each others interest. Do things as a couple. Fight. These may all sound like the usual things you hear, but take these things, and put in the effort to put your partner first. Learn who your partner is, learn who you are supporting, learn who you are in a relationship with. Take the time to do things in your relationship that fulfills you and your partner. Make each other comfortable. Establish who you are and don't expect anyone to change for you. You aren't going to change, why expect your partner to change? And keep this general rule... if you won't treat your friends a certain way, don't treat your partner that way either.
Breaking into a new pair of shoes is like breaking into a new relationship. You need to have the support each other and be with each other enough so you can break into it and wear it comfortably.
and really... if all else fails, get yourself a hot pair of shoes! :)
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